Why do you trouble me so? I have never done anything to offend you. Why can't you just lay low and do your job, nothing? Why must you flare up at the most inopportune time. You know I'm supposed to be en-route to Arizona for the wedding of this beautiful couple:
Instead I'm lying in bed trying not to laugh, cough, move or breath so you won't hurt me. Yesterday I went into the doctor to have you examined. I laid on a scary, noisy bed while they tried to get good images of you. Too bad I'm so small that all my organs mesh together, so they had to pump me full of contrasting liquid through an IV (which left a nasty bruise) and through an enema. The results? Inconclusive. It's too early to tell. So now all I can do is monitor the pain you cause me and when it gets unbearable, I'm supposed to go into the ER and have you removed. To monitor this pain, I'm not allowed to use my trusty friend Advil. Or any other pain reliever. Really Appendix, this is not nice of you at all. Please don't worsen or burst until I get home from Arizona on Tuesday.
Your unhappy host.